I was good for 4 hours...

"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390) 01/17/2016 at 00:13 • Filed to: Meh

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I had a good Chinese dinner with my parents at home and watched some YouTube. That helped me get over my anxiety attack, but now I’m just moody.

I’ve learned something else about myself tonight: I can’t stand being alone or by myself. I just can’t do it. I just can’t be happy or find happiness with or by myself, and I’m just left wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

I'm glad the anxiety is gone for now at least.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:14

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Question: whatd you eat? I literally order chinese every week because i work from home some days and I swap out my order every time.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 01/17/2016 at 00:20

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General Tso with fried rice and an egg role. My usual order.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:22

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I approve. On a more serious note, doesn’t anything car related make you happy? I know you post on the FB oppo page about anything car related, even washing the ST (excellent job btw). I think you do things that make you happy, but you strive for never ending happiness which we are all looking for.

smobgirl > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:23

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I want Chinese food. And I'm cranky because my foot hurts and I can't do anything fun. 

El Rivinado > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:23

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“I can’t stand being alone or by myself, I just can’t do it.”

Welcome to the club my good man, I’ve been the same way for awhile. I’m guessing you don't have the same crippling social anxiety like me that prevents you from talking to people you don't know, and therefore also hurting whatever new relationships you can build. Especially if that relationship is in the romantic sense.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > smobgirl 01/17/2016 at 00:25

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Story of my life

Sam > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:25

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It’s nice to see improvements no matter how small.

Blondude > El Rivinado 01/17/2016 at 00:28

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Wait, why are you talking about me?

El Rivinado > Blondude 01/17/2016 at 00:30

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I was talking about myself. Why? You part of the club also?

DrJohannVegas > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:31

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Ya just gotta start stringing series of 4 hour blocks together now. I know it sounds trite, but that’s the road to wellness. Find the (healthy) strategies which help you make your way, then use them. You can do it!

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > El Rivinado 01/17/2016 at 00:31

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Actually, I do...it's just near impossible to work on it. I just feel awkward when not being forced to talk to new people. I can't bring myself to do it of my own accord.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > El Rivinado 01/17/2016 at 00:32

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*raises hand*

smobgirl > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 01/17/2016 at 00:36

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The Chinese food? Or being accident-prone?

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > smobgirl 01/17/2016 at 00:37

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Both at the moment

Blondude > El Rivinado 01/17/2016 at 00:39

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*raises hand too*

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > DrJohannVegas 01/17/2016 at 00:42

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I don't understand

smobgirl > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 01/17/2016 at 00:42

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What’d you do? I missed that one.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > smobgirl 01/17/2016 at 00:43

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Why does your foot hurt?

El Rivinado > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:45

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It’s the same way with me, somedays I’m still surprised I found and kept friends in high school. I’ll be honest though, it’s not something that gets better over time, and like you said, near impossible to work on and improve. One trick I sort of found is if you’re hanging with your friends and they have other friends who you don’t know, if you talk to the new people when your friends are around and with you, it puts you at ease and let's you be more confident. YMMV of course, but I found it to work for the most part.

DrJohannVegas > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:46

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Find the things which help you avoid anxiety, or overcome/come down from anxiety attacks when they happen. Do those things.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > smobgirl 01/17/2016 at 00:46

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Oh nothing, I’m just a known klutz/accident waiting to happen

smobgirl > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 01/17/2016 at 00:47

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Haha, fair enough. I haven't gone 18 months without breaking something since I moved to CO.

Steve in Manhattan > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:48

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In 2006, I didn’t leave the apartment for 9 days while the GF was in Japan. In 2009, I had a serious panic attack in The Guggenheim - ran out onto Fifth Avenue with GF chasing me. I could not be where I was for some reason. Now I’m better, but I have a version of what you have - I can’t be in silence. The TV has to be on, a podcast or music has to be playing. That’s how I can be alone.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > smobgirl 01/17/2016 at 00:49

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Ekk. Yeah i remember, it was your leg correct? Hope you’re back feeling 100% soon enough!

smobgirl > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:50

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Broke it two weeks ago, fell on the stairs. It's swollen today for some reason. Wahhh.

Toby F., Manager > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 00:50

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Hey man, I hope this cheers you up a bit

it kinda goes in hand with your recent posts.

On another note, and I know that you didn’t ask, nor do I know exactly of your situations, but I feel I’ve been in a similar position as you with interacting with females, college parties, social anxieties/confidence, and the anxieties you feel. All I have to say is that yes it’s hard, but you can (& will) overcome and grow in time. It takes a lot of trial and error, will, action, trying new & old things, discovering things about yourself, fighting with your internal monologue, convincing yourself, placing yourself, introspection, and so forth; but you will prevail and learn how to outgrow and overcome your anxieties; and purify and nurture your mind(sets), peace, confidence, relationships with self, others, and your “soul.” The last few years have been convoluted for myself, but I feel I’ve grown a lot and pretty much found myself today. Sure, I still have ways to go, but I feel I enjoy life, myself, others, etc so much more again/today. In retrospect, I’ve learned to appreciate that there’s some type of beauty that I see in past (& current) struggles. All and any is possible. I believe you’ll find your stronger grasps one day, too! Writing really helped me, as well as seeking help, and learning how not to bottle negativity or negative thinking within me, or let others negativity get to me (which were the hardest and longest ordeals. I also experienced 3 anxiety attacks as a result of my stresses — which were scary things).

You’ve got this, K-roll! It just takes time and determination.

Sir HoonsAlot > El Rivinado 01/17/2016 at 00:59

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I wouldn’t really call it an anxiety(since I don’t get the emotions or what not going over it) but I don’t think I’ve ever actually struck up a conversation with somebody outside of my fam or the one friend of mine.

El Rivinado > Sir HoonsAlot 01/17/2016 at 01:02

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Maybe not, but the principle still fits to a degree. I'll give you an honorary club membership.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Steve in Manhattan 01/17/2016 at 01:12

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I can hardly do silence myself. Only when it's sleep time and that requires effort too.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > smobgirl 01/17/2016 at 01:13

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I've never broken a bone before or even fractured or sprained anything. That would be something new and different...

Steve in Manhattan > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 01:27

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So many comedy podcasts out there to keep you laughing. They save me every day.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Toby F., Manager 01/17/2016 at 02:15

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Lol I’ve never seen that before but I couldn’t stop laughing because that was me. Scratch that, that’s still me and I’m married.

pip bip - choose Corrour > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/17/2016 at 02:38

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i prefer being alone.

Sir HoonsAlot > El Rivinado 01/17/2016 at 10:59

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Sounds good :)

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 01/18/2016 at 12:50

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it sounds cheesy, but meditation can help quite a bit. Going along with the CBT stuff I mentioned last time I replied to one of your anxiety posts, it can really help when you have to be alone.

It doesn’t need to have any spiritual backing - just need to find a quiet space, breathe deeply, and rest your mind. It takes practice but it can help a lot.